When is it Too Much?

Upon talking with a friend of a friend I was struck by the amount of advice that people enjoy dishing out. Somehow everyone is able to see your "soon to be pitfalls" and how you are already heading down a disastorous path. I always adhered to the thought that if you have had previous relationships that you didn't like and found a common pattern, you should change them. So after three previous relationships with less then desirable outcomes, I decided to make a series of tweaks. I was pleased that being the new "mature" me that I wrote a list of qualities that I liked and didn't like to help me in my quest. I even attemtped to realistically look at what part I played in the relationships end. So armed with these new ideas I felt very adult like until -

So there I was hanging out and chatting up this friend of a friend. "That's cool how you're ok with your bf going out and all," he says. Of course I thought of this like a mini badge - l had definately matured. Unti I learned that there were 10 rules in a relationship and in my effort to be relaxed, non controlling and very laid back - I had already botched these most coveted rules. However, before I started rethinking my new relationship tactics - I realized that this guy could not be considered a guru - he too had endured his share of drama and he currently felt the need to avoid any form of relationships. At least I was attempting to move on and find my way through adult relationships.

Which is when I wondered, why is it necessary to be a self proclaimed guru and if you become one shouldn't your record reflect recognizing previous mistakes, an interest in rectifying it and evidence where you are actually changing it? Is that such a difficult request? I am certainly not a guru and am always willing to throw my 2 cents worth in but I tend to like to have something back up my statements. But then again it is always easy to point out the errors of others. Maybe this is a random rant but one that shouldbe given out. We have all had friends or people we know do this off and on.

I don't believe that there are 'rules' although there are parameters that should be followed in the realm of relationships. Outside of that relationships tend to be like fingerprints - a lot of them are unique and can't be compared very easily. All you can go on your instincts. At the same time, know that most people are well meaning and provide their "advice" as a means to assist you; however, it is so easy to allow those comments to whisper in your ear and allow you to erode the foundation of your relationship. I suggest that mentally you sift through the information and weigh it against what you believe to be true. For me, I let all the questions that used to pop into my mind when people would "suggest" how I should handle my business recede. There are a lot of gurus but I'll take my chances and remain optimstic about what is in the future for myself and my cutie ;-)
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Kimmie
Founder Sikara Magazine & Sikara Designs
http://www.sikara.com

Are Connections that Hard to Make in NYC?

So of course I start my day/afternoon checking out Craigslist. I have to say it is my favorite website and really addicitive. You have to love a place that allows you to find a job, get an apartment and find something to do over the weekend. In fact you can even check out what other cities are up to. So of course, I found my boyfriend on there. But it makes me wonder, how can it be so hard to find people? In fact people are looking for friends in there as well. I have now found my way there in this area as well.

Living in a big city with endless possibilities is great but at the same time it can be overwhelming and difficult to make connections. The other day my boyfriend said that he wanted to meet my really good friends, after thinking about it I realized they are still in my home town or have migrated elsewhere. I talk to them on the phone a lot and keep them up to date. "Well you still have connections with them and they mean a lot in your everyday life and I have yet to meet them," he says. I felt horrible - I mean I live with my sister and since I commute to the city (while waiting to get an apartment that is just right) and I do not see her all the time either. More and more it is becoming evident that if I am excited about living in NYC, work there and have a bf there - it is time that I obtain and retain serious ties with people in the city.

Happily, I am glad to see that I am not alone. There are lots of girls and guys that want to expand their social circles and meet people as well. I hope that this summer I will be able to meet a lot of cool people. In the past I have had lots of guy friends and am now in the quest to find those ever elusive friends that were a part of Carrie & Co. So let's hope that in the midst of summer parties, shopping and night clubs there will be cool people that definately want to hang out and have a good time.

The best way to put a step forward in the right direction is to make it known that you are out there. Prior to Craigslist I didn't know that there are so many people out there that in the midst of doing what they wanted to, were unfufilled in the areas of significant others and friendship. I have found that placing an ad and allowing others to know about yourself will find people that are just like you waiting to meet. In addition, joining groups that introduce you to new activities or favored ones. So I say this to say if you're out there and want to hang out, drop a line and maybe we can make up a group :-)
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Kimmie
Founder Sikara Magazine & Sikara Designs
http://www.sikara.com