What's at Stake in the Loop?

The "water cooler" is one of those images that are synonomous with being in the know, a part of whatever crowd you gather with or believe yourself to be and as each hand downs a cup of water, there are power struggles and trades going throughout the group. Who knew such an innocent thirst quencher could be the source of so much angst?

There are those that dominate the cooler. They are Ms Gossip to the "T". They know the demise of the office romance before it even begins and they know the real reason behind Ken in Marketing's lack of promotion. If it's in the inner walls of the office, she is your go to girl. There there are those that seem to lead the double agent life, by day they are Ms. Ordinary working at a series of files; however, at night they live the life of someone glamorous or connected to someone who is. Either way, they have that juicy info that makes you wonder if they should be writing for the Post or the Star.

It seems so effortless. Everyday as the crowd goes everyone throws in their two cents about the day in general but the conversation stops when Ms Gossip and Ms Ordinary enter the group. They know that something scandalous will be shared - in fact it is expected. As everyone goes back to their desks to mull over these comments, it makes you wonder what happens to Ordinary and Gossip? Do they spend a large chunk of the day making sure they maintain their positions in knowing the ins and outs? Do they ever have one of those days where they're off - either there's no news or maybe they had to attend to something else? Is it like in school when the lack of "hot news" made you feel that your position was waning? These thoughts and more entered my head when someone once asked me, "Everytime I ask you something, you always say you know". I wondered and thought hmmm I know a lot of people who know information due to their jobs at various places and they feel the need to share. But have I joined them as well in my need to share a tidbit in an effort to display my "inside track"?

As a closing thought, we all gossip and feel the need to bring info that has yet to be heard to someone. But if you find that you constantly feel the need to make your "position known" just think about how it comes across to others and why you feel the need to do so. You could be like me - I feel the need to share because you initiated a conversation that is along the lines of something that I heard. Just as it can be looked upon negatively when you ALWAYS seem to scoop someone first, the lack of giving out piping hot news can also make people wonder as well. In short, there is no happy medium.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kimmie
Founder Sikara Designs
http://www.sikara.com

When is it Too Much?

Upon talking with a friend of a friend I was struck by the amount of advice that people enjoy dishing out. Somehow everyone is able to see your "soon to be pitfalls" and how you are already heading down a disastorous path. I always adhered to the thought that if you have had previous relationships that you didn't like and found a common pattern, you should change them. So after three previous relationships with less then desirable outcomes, I decided to make a series of tweaks. I was pleased that being the new "mature" me that I wrote a list of qualities that I liked and didn't like to help me in my quest. I even attemtped to realistically look at what part I played in the relationships end. So armed with these new ideas I felt very adult like until -

So there I was hanging out and chatting up this friend of a friend. "That's cool how you're ok with your bf going out and all," he says. Of course I thought of this like a mini badge - l had definately matured. Unti I learned that there were 10 rules in a relationship and in my effort to be relaxed, non controlling and very laid back - I had already botched these most coveted rules. However, before I started rethinking my new relationship tactics - I realized that this guy could not be considered a guru - he too had endured his share of drama and he currently felt the need to avoid any form of relationships. At least I was attempting to move on and find my way through adult relationships.

Which is when I wondered, why is it necessary to be a self proclaimed guru and if you become one shouldn't your record reflect recognizing previous mistakes, an interest in rectifying it and evidence where you are actually changing it? Is that such a difficult request? I am certainly not a guru and am always willing to throw my 2 cents worth in but I tend to like to have something back up my statements. But then again it is always easy to point out the errors of others. Maybe this is a random rant but one that shouldbe given out. We have all had friends or people we know do this off and on.

I don't believe that there are 'rules' although there are parameters that should be followed in the realm of relationships. Outside of that relationships tend to be like fingerprints - a lot of them are unique and can't be compared very easily. All you can go on your instincts. At the same time, know that most people are well meaning and provide their "advice" as a means to assist you; however, it is so easy to allow those comments to whisper in your ear and allow you to erode the foundation of your relationship. I suggest that mentally you sift through the information and weigh it against what you believe to be true. For me, I let all the questions that used to pop into my mind when people would "suggest" how I should handle my business recede. There are a lot of gurus but I'll take my chances and remain optimstic about what is in the future for myself and my cutie ;-)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kimmie
Founder Sikara Magazine & Sikara Designs
http://www.sikara.com

Are Connections that Hard to Make in NYC?

So of course I start my day/afternoon checking out Craigslist. I have to say it is my favorite website and really addicitive. You have to love a place that allows you to find a job, get an apartment and find something to do over the weekend. In fact you can even check out what other cities are up to. So of course, I found my boyfriend on there. But it makes me wonder, how can it be so hard to find people? In fact people are looking for friends in there as well. I have now found my way there in this area as well.

Living in a big city with endless possibilities is great but at the same time it can be overwhelming and difficult to make connections. The other day my boyfriend said that he wanted to meet my really good friends, after thinking about it I realized they are still in my home town or have migrated elsewhere. I talk to them on the phone a lot and keep them up to date. "Well you still have connections with them and they mean a lot in your everyday life and I have yet to meet them," he says. I felt horrible - I mean I live with my sister and since I commute to the city (while waiting to get an apartment that is just right) and I do not see her all the time either. More and more it is becoming evident that if I am excited about living in NYC, work there and have a bf there - it is time that I obtain and retain serious ties with people in the city.

Happily, I am glad to see that I am not alone. There are lots of girls and guys that want to expand their social circles and meet people as well. I hope that this summer I will be able to meet a lot of cool people. In the past I have had lots of guy friends and am now in the quest to find those ever elusive friends that were a part of Carrie & Co. So let's hope that in the midst of summer parties, shopping and night clubs there will be cool people that definately want to hang out and have a good time.

The best way to put a step forward in the right direction is to make it known that you are out there. Prior to Craigslist I didn't know that there are so many people out there that in the midst of doing what they wanted to, were unfufilled in the areas of significant others and friendship. I have found that placing an ad and allowing others to know about yourself will find people that are just like you waiting to meet. In addition, joining groups that introduce you to new activities or favored ones. So I say this to say if you're out there and want to hang out, drop a line and maybe we can make up a group :-)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kimmie
Founder Sikara Magazine & Sikara Designs
http://www.sikara.com

Online to Reality?

Ok so after posting I realized that there has to be some updates about me and I would rather look at the relationship side. I am one of those people that once upon a time I hated hanging out by myself. I always love hanging out in groups and doing things with others. In college for the most part, I had my bf at that time and our friends which guaranteed that I would always have someone around and if not then I would have uncomfortable weekends where I had nothing to do and no motivation. This changed with the hectic life of my final semesters where people graduated, I was single and had a huge class load. I found the simple joys in taking a walk browsing in stores and more.

Moving to the east coast was an interesting change. Over a period of months I found a groove and was happy to do this as a single girl and to learn what I wanted on my own and of course it hit me one day that I was ready to find Mr Right. In a city this large how hard could it be?

Little did I know that there should be a Guy Guide for finding a match in this city! It is so hard to meet people unless you have some friends or go through work and I found that this made me keep meeting the same types of people. This was really becoming frustrating. Typically I am the type that goes from one relationship to the next so I never have the benefit of a breather to see what it is that I truly want. Now that I was ready I kept finding people that I knew would not be of interest to me in the longterm.

Finally I decided that if you want something new you have to do something innovative. Debating the issue of using the Internet was a tough one. One would think that a 24 year old girl should not have a problem with this we are the Techie generation; however, I could not get the idea in my head that this was the path I was prepared to take until I realized that you find people at bars and people actually expect that to work so how could the Internet be that bad. So I turned to one of my favorite sites - Craigslist and sent out a request for good conversation at a coffeeshop - long story short I met a great guy! It didn't take long and we started dating.

The funny thing is as recently as yesterday my bf and I were on our way to a party. In the subway we bumped into one of his colleagues and we started talking - speaking of random this is another way that I'm sure people have met. Anyway, she asked the inevitable question "How'd you meet?" As he blushed I said on the Internet through Craigslist! Seeing that I was one of the biggest oponents to online dating, I can admit when I'm wrong and find it my personal mission to showcase my success story (I'd like to think). She was very intrigued and talked about on of her friends who had done the same thing and the way she explained it was analagous to someone describing the concept of TV to a room of people that had enjoyed their favorite soap operas on radio. It seemed so foreign. With all the sites online with matchmaking, hookups and more this is definately something of a mainstay.

How funny that people shy away from the idea.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kimmie
Founder Sikara Magazine & Sikara Designs
http://www.sikara.com

"Us vs Them": Which End Are You On?

There are moments when you wish you could step outside of your body and see what's going on around you. Maybe it's that time you and your friends were out celebrating someone getting a new job or getting their first place. Alone, these are monumental successes that deserve to be looked at - but what happens when you accept these challenges and realize that in choosing them, you have stepped to a more evolved you? Over the past few days I have seen this and realized that within a few hours I was no longer an "us" I was a "them"

The "us vs them" is something that happens all the time but no one thinks about it. I was introduced to this interesting balance in highschool during the Bacalaureate speeches before graduation. Our keynote speaker Kevin Kwanza (I hope I remembered that name right) explained in a very funny way that being an us meant those that had mastered highschool but by graduating we were leaving one version of "us" and became a "them". We were now the people that those behind us would dream of being while at the same time basking in their youth. I thought it was funny but who cared? I was going to college and there I left one group and became a newer "us". That was a great 4 years and after graduating there seems to be no smooth transition from leaving academia and moving into the "real world".

I have been in the real world since Dec 2002 and in that time I have made a lot of strides - I made my own company and also freelance at the same time. Off and on my mom would talk about how life doesn't work like it did in college. Many times she talked about how I still dressed like I was there and then some. I didn't seem to care until this week.

Lately, I have had to go to interviews and meet potential clients and after hearing my mother nag me I thought we would go shopping for these adult like clothes. I was a little nervous, I do want to dress for my business but I want to do it in a manner that I am still being represented. I loved the clothes can I just say that I am a fan of Rampage and XOXO and the clothes are not only hip but can work well in a work environment. As I passed my previous shopping havens, I felt like a mini traitor. I still liked the clothes but I suppose where I am going those items do not work. Later my boyfriend and I went out for a night.

I had been to a bar earlier in the year that we had a great time at. I did not realize that it was a college bar. Although people assume I am still in college, I was astounded that not only did I not have a great time, but that I was wondering about the maturity level of the people there - and then it hit me. I had become a "them". As much as I like to stay outside of the corporate structures and only work with them on a project basis, my styles and tastes have changed. I have started to assimilate into another group. I was the one out of place and after my first drink - we left.

In a blink of an eye it seems that collegiate Kimmie has truly embraced the entrepreneurial group and although I have set my own pace and style it is definately dictated by a more adult corporate structure. This when you step outside of yourself and realize how much you have changed and nothing is so stark then talking with friends from college that you do not see all the time. They struggle to understand who this person is and you realize how much you have evolved into something else. A transition - that's what college is supposed to be between highschool and your life afterwards. Instead it seems that you continue to transition for another period of years. I feel that I am still finishing with it as I look for an apartment and more.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kimmie
Founder Sikara Magazine & Sikara Designs
http://www.sikara.com